5 Minutes With Lisa

A new feature that we are starting on the blog is a 5 Minutes With.... article to give you a bit of insight into the life behind the doula.

First up is Lisa!

So tell us about the woman behind the doula! What do you like to do on your off?

I'm an active mom of two boys, Ronan is 7 and Keegan is 5. When I'm not hanging out with them, I enjoy sewing (all crafting, really) and playing soccer.

What is your favourite birth support, and why?

I love the yoga ball or peanut ball. It's so versatile and can be used in a variety of ways, even if you've had an epidural.

Why did you want to go into birth work?

Ever since Ronan was born, I've been fascinated by birth. His birth was very quick and I wasn't really sure of what was happening at each stage. It would have been so helpful to have someone I could rely on to normalize the process for me.

What other areas of parenting and birth are you passionate about? Do they influence your work as a doula?

I'm passionate about breastfeeding and car seat safety, and I'm actually taking my certification as a Car Seat Safety Technician this month! I am also fascinated by the family dynamics and how they change when a new sibling is added to the family. I love helping people navigate this time and help ease the transition for the entire family.

What advice do you have for a new (or new again) mom as she nears birth?

Take time for yourself and don't be afraid to say no. Some people think they are entitled to know everything about your pregnancy (gender, name, choices, etc.) and you are absolutely allowed to say no. The same goes for people wanting to touch your belly or even medical decisions that you may be uncomfortable with.


To book your consultation with this fabulously knowledgeable doula, you can email Lisa or get in touch with her by phone!

xoxo
Shannon

Sibling Transition Tips from a Postpartum Doula

Many people say that the transition from one child to two is much harder than going from zero to one, but have you ever thought about how hard it can be for the sibling? For the new big brother or sister, especially toddlers, it can be a huge adjustment. For the longest time, they have been the sole recipient of all of their parents love and attention and now, they have to share that. The first few weeks especially can be trying as newborns do need lots of attention.

Here are some ways to make that transition easier for the newly promoted sibling.

During Labour:

If you are having a hospital birth, chances are that your little one will be spending some time with a relative (possibly having their very first sleepover!) Consider packing a photo album that they can take with them so they can see you if and when they start to ask for you. If your labour isn’t intense and you are having longer breaks between contractions, try and squeeze in a quick phone call or Facetime to let them know you’re thinking of them.

After the baby is born, have big brother come visit at the hospital. An excellent way to transition at this time is to have the baby in the bassinette at first so mom can get a proper cuddle in before introducing the new baby. This helps them to see that even though there is a new baby, there will still be one on one time. Once your child feels comfortable, have someone bring baby over and let them see. I suggest even letting them hold the baby (with help of course!) and letting them touch and hug. They are going to be curious and restricting that first interaction with lots of no’s or scolding could make them resent baby. Another popular idea is to have a small gift for them “from the baby.”

If you are having a home birth, and don’t feel it would be a distraction, it is completely acceptable to have your older child present at the birth. They can even be a mini doula, helping get you a drink or towels! This makes them feel like they are part of bringing baby into the world and would be an amazing experience for all. I would recommend having another adult present, such as a relative, that could be there just to watch over them though, in case they need to be put down for a nap, or fed lunch for example.

The first few weeks:

Once you’re back home and start to settle into a routine, big sister may start to act out a little. This is completely normal and shouldn’t last too long. Be sure to include them in as much as possible when it comes to baby. Some children love having jobs, so having them grab the diapers and wipes at changing time, or if baby is bottle fed, helping to hold the bottle, that can be great, but don’t try and force it. If they don’t want to, making them do it can only make them feel like they are only being used to take care of baby.

The one thing I found to be most important was setting aside time that was just me and my oldest child. My youngest baby was breastfed and refused to take a bottle, so our time was short, but even just popping out to the coffee shop for a special treat or going grocery shopping with just the older child, is huge in their eyes. It shows that mommy (and daddy!) will still be there for them and life doesn’t revolve around the new tiny human.

There will be times when you absolutely cannot tend to the needs of both children and that is totally okay. When this happens, having a basket of toy, books, or crafts that your child can use independently can work wonders when you need to tend to the baby. By only pulling this out at certain times and changing up what’s inside, it keeps your child’s interest and they will start to look forward to it! There is also nothing wrong with having movie days or turning on the t.v. when needed.

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There is absolutely going to be an adjustment period when you go from having one child to two (or more) but hopefully by keeping these tips in mind, it will be a little bit smoother for everyone. 

xoxo

Lisa

The Grief of Infertility

Infertility is a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one passes they are not coming back and you know that they are not going to rise from the dead. You must process their death and go through all the appropriate stages to overcome the grief and move on with your life. This can also be quite painful, don’t get me wrong.

The grief of infertility is quite different. Infertile couples are grieving the loss of a baby that they may never know. They think about the baby that could have mommy’s eyes or daddy’s dimples. And each and every month they have hope that that baby might be conceived and that they may actually get to meet that baby. No matter how many times you tell yourself that it will be ok if you’re not pregnant or try to prepare yourself for the bad news, there is still hope that this month could be the month. Then the dreaded news comes, and the grief comes back. And this process is repeated each and every month, year after year. It is like having a deep wound that keeps reopening just as it is starting to heal.

As the couple’s journey evolves they will start infertility treatments. The testing is quite invasive and can be embarrassing for both parties. You start to feel like a pin cushion and a science experiment, and to top it off you pay a lot of money to feel this way.

Infertility will eventually end in one of three ways:

1. The couple will finally conceive that baby
2. The couple will stop infertility treatments and choose to live without children
3. The couple will find another way to parent (fostering or adoption)

It can take years for couples to get to the final stage of infertility. This is why it is so important for infertile couples to have emotional support during their journey. A lot of people don’t know what to say and often end up saying the wrong thing which ends up making the journey that much harder for the couple. Knowing what not to say is very important if you want to be supportive. Here are some things to consider:

Don’t tell them to relax

If a couple has reached the stage that they are classified as an infertile couple then that means they have been trying for at least a year. The purpose of this one year mark is to filter out the couples who just needed to “relax” and find the couples that are in fact infertile. Making comments like “you just need to relax” will actually create more stress for the couple, especially the woman. The woman already feels like she is broken or like she is doing something wrong when there is most likely a physical problem that is preventing them from conceiving. Infertility is a diagnosed medical condition that must be treated by a doctor. Even with treatment there will be some couples that will never be able to successfully conceive. Relaxation is not a cure for infertility.

Don’t complain about your pregnancy

Seriously, being around pregnant women is hard enough when you are infertile. Seeing your growing belly is another constant reminder of what they don’t have. That being said, pregnancy is not always easy either. And you have every right to vent about it but maybe consider who you are venting to. Your infertile friend would do anything to be in your shoes and would tolerate the discomfort and pain because it would mean that they finally got what they have been yearning for. Every couple will be different, and some couples will be able to tolerate more than others. Be sensitive to what your friend is going through. Allow her to be happy for you while she is grieving herself.

Don’t minimize their situation

As I said previously, infertility is very painful. In most cases infertile couples are surrounded by families that have children. These couples will watch their friends and families announce pregnancies, watch them throughout those pregnancies, watch those children grow and all the while going home to the stillness of a vacant house. These couples will see the joy of parenthood and feel the void in their hearts when they don’t get to experience the same joy. Making comments like “You don’t know how hard it is to never sleep” are not supportive. These kinds of comments will make the couple feel as though you are minimizing their situation. Would you tell someone that just lost their parent “At least you don’t have to buy birthday presents anymore”? The person that just lost their parent would wish that they could buy their parent another birthday present since it would mean that they were still alive. Just like an infertile couple would stay awake all night long if it meant that they had a child.

Don’t treat them like they are uninformed

For some unknown reason, some people think that if you don’t have kids you have no idea what the responsibilities of parenthood entail. Making comments like “Take my children for the day, you won’t want kids anymore” are not comforting. Sure, you can’t truly understand the responsibilities of parenthood until you are parents. However, if you have been trying for years to conceive then you have also been thinking about the responsibilities of parenthood at the same time. Infertile couples most likely have also been around their fair share of babies.

Don’t say they are not meant to be parents

This is quite possibly the meanest thing you could say to an infertile couple and a slap in the face if you ask me. “Maybe God’s plan for you is to not be a mother”. In my opinion, you cannot get more insensitive than that! You are basically implying that God felt the need to sterilize me? If that is the case then why isn’t he preventing the pregnancies that end in abortion or child abuse? Even if you are not religious the “maybe it’s not meant to be” comments are just as hurtful. Infertility is not a punishment, whether you believe that to be God or Mother Nature.

Don’t push adoption

Adoption is a great option for infertile couples. My husband was adopted so we definitely understand. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that we want biological children. There are many issues that infertile couples need to work through before they can make the decision to adopt. In order to come to the decision to love a “stranger’s baby” they need to grieve the loss of the biological child that never was. Fortunately, social workers understand the importance of this grieving process. The social worker that I saw told me that you must shut one door before you can open another and that helped me a lot. The adoption process is quite intensive, so if you have not grieved the loss of your biological child and the hope of a biological child then the adoption process is going to be harder for you. Not only do you have to give up hope of a biological child you also have to be able to love a child that is not your “own”. Some couples are never able to fathom the idea of loving a child that is not their “own” and if that is the case then adoption will never happen. Some couples may not open up about this either, so by pushing adoption you are reopening their infertility wound without even realizing it. If your friend is open about adoption she will talk about it and raise the issue herself. Just wait for her to come to you.

So what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you are saying “Here, have my baby”, there is nothing that you can say that is going to rid their pain. However, there are some things that you can do to ease their pain.

Do show them you care

Let them know you are there if they need a shoulder to cry on or want to chat. If they are religious, tell them that they are in your thoughts and prayers. Offer similar support that you would give a friend that lost a loved one. By showing them you care you are showing them support and letting them know that they are not alone in their journey.

Do support their decisions

Support them if they decide to stop infertility treatments. This decision is very hard and involves even more grief. Even if the couple decides to adopt they could still be going through the grieving process for a while before they will be at the point that they are ready to begin the adoption process. No matter what their decisions may be, support them. Don’t encourage them to try again and don’t discourage them from adoption. Hear what they have to say, listen to their decision and support that decision not matter what it is. Once an infertile couple resolves their infertility they can finally put that chapter behind them and move on. Do not try to open that chapter again. 

Support them gently, and be there for them. They need you.

xoxo

Stephanie

You are Exactly the Mother Your Children Need

Happy 2016! We are absolutely thrilled that you're here and can't wait to engage with you all through the course of this year.

We have a few new things happening, starting with the first post every month, which we are calling Mindful Motherhood.

What is Mindful Motherhood? It's a monthly dose of self care, inspiration, motivation and kindness delivered to you right here on the blog, and in our newsletters. (you can sign up to receive them up there at the top!)

Each month, there will be a new message of ways you can be kind to yourself, moments to reflect on, and ways to be proud of how far you've come as a mother.

Whenever you are feeling an ounce of doubt, remember that you are exactly the mother that your children need.

You are strong
You are loving
You are incredible and no mother is perfect.

Being a mom is difficult, and comes with many challenges. It also comes with incredibly rewarding moments where you are proud of the little beings you're raising into amazing people. Be proud of that!

You are exactly the mother that your children need.

Hold onto that this month, and in any moment that follows where you doubt if you are doing a good job.

We assure you, you are.

xoxo
Shannon

Things I Never Thought I'd Say (but totally have during the first year)

One night a few weeks ago, my hubby and I were lying in bed when we started thinking of all of the crazy things that we have said since our son was born. A year ago, I couldn’t imagine saying these things. Now, it’s second nature to blurt something crazy out. It doesn’t faze either of us when we have to pin our son’s arms down so he doesn’t wipe the boogers all over his face.

Here are just some of the crazy things that we have said over the past year.  

Don’t touch that, it has poop on it!

Don’t splash in your pee!

Get out of the toilet!

Eww, let go of the toilet brush!

What is that in your mouth?

Razors are not for babies!

Get your finger out of my nose

Don’t put your finger in the electrical outlet!

Eww, what was that you just ate?

Stop grabbing your wiener!

Why are you hitting yourself in the head?

Eww, that stinks, get it out of my face!

Whining is not handsome!

What are some phrases you never thought you would say?

xoxo

Ashley

Don't Drop the Soother! #DrBrowns #healthywipes

Confession: when I had my first baby, I was definitely that mom who would quickly look to see if anyone saw the soother fall from the carseat or stroller. A quick wipe from my hand, and back to the babe.

Now, I completely realize that wiping with my hand is not sanitary in the slightest, but to be totally honest...I had no idea how else I was supposed to clean the soother and get it back to him quickly to avoid meltdown city.

Dr. Brown's has the perfect solution, and one that I keep in the car for just such emergencies as....

After walking big brother to school and getting back to the car, sweet baby Graeme spit out his soother and before I could catch it...right down on the dirt, gravel and weeds on the side of the road by the rear wheel of my car. Gross. And of course I didn't pack a spare soother!

Then I remembered that I had Dr. Brown's Pacifier and Bottle Wipes in the car, neatly stowed in my Thirty-One Pack and Pull Caddy that is in the middle seat between the boys.

With just a quick wipe, I was able to safely clean Graeme's pacifier and give it back to him so he could go back to dreamland and I could go grab a coffee. Sanity restored!

A few features about these convenient Healthy Wipes that you should note:

• scent free
• free of alcohol, SLS, parabens and formaldehydes
• made with plant based Xylitol

I'm so glad that I had them in the car, and keep an extra pack in our diaper caddy just in case there is a spit up issue in the middle of the night and I need to wipe down a mess in his nursery. With the Dr. Brown's Pacifier and Bottle Wipes, it gives great peace of mind to know they give a natural clean to things that go in your baby's mouth.

Where do we keep them now, and how do we use them?

• Diaper bag to clean bottle nipples if you forget the cap
• Diaper caddy for midnight messes
• Front of car console for cleaning the tops of drink lids (they're great for adults, too!)
• Backseat organizer for dropped soothers and teethers

If you're a new mom, or new again mom, I highly recommend stashing a pack of the Pacifier and Bottle Wipes in your purse or car. You just never know when they will come in handy!

Disclaimer: I was provided these Healthy Wipes, along with the Tooth & Gum and Nose & Face (great for in between baths, and cleaning all of the rolls and folds!) wipes, for the purposes of this review. All opinions expressed are my own. 

Let Their Confidence Shine

Setting your kiddos up for success at school {and at home} is something that is oh so important for our toddler to learn. From doing crafts with Mama and discovering our artsy side, to playing ball with Daddy and using up some physical energy...whatever the case, it always is reinforced with high-fives and lots of love.

One thing that we've learned, is to stay consistent and positive with him. We started Owen (now 2years old, but really this is so important at every age!) at The Little Gym in January, and we have learned oh-so-much.

First and foremost, lots of praise can go a very long way. We are always praising Owen with lots of clapping, high-fives (or five-fives as he calls them) and great big hugs. We definitely have found that when he gets a high-five, he's more inclined to exhibit that positive, confident and healthy habit over and over again!

Secondly, thanking them for exhibiting that positive behavior. The teachers at The Little Gym always encourage us to thank our little ones for coming back to the red mat...and boy oh boy, does it ever work!! Owen seems to run to me for a great big hug and I always thank him for coming back to the big red mat, and he gives me the biggest smiles! Now, 6 months into the program, he rarely strays.

Also, encouraging them to be who they are and embracing them when they might not be cooperating is something that is really important in building their confidence. Recently, Owen's had some issues with the big beam....it's high, intimidating and climbing those stairs can be a tricky thing. But...with gentle encouragement, and not pushing him until he's comfortable....he's right up there with the bigger kiddo's now, and totally dominating it!

How will this all translate to pre-school? Well...he knows limits and is respectful of other peoples limits. He knows that when he's not comfortable with something, to ask for help, and is confident in seeking a grown up to get that assistance. He knows to keep trying new things, even if they're scary...which means interacting with new kiddos, saying new words, and meeting new teachers along  the way.

Knowing that he's confident, and that we instilled that confidence in him with gentle encouragement, lots of positive praise, and modelling that positive behaviour is kind of like a little pat on the back for a parenting job well done!

As a member of Clever Girls Collective, I was selected to participate in the Healthy Habits program sponsored by Kimberly-Clark and Colgate-Palmolive. The content and opinions expressed here are all my own. #healthyhabits #cgc

Mama Blogger Monday: City Mom

Today is one that I have been waiting for, with patient anticipating, for a little while. I met Kelly from City Mom a while back through twitter...one of the many that my lovely husband recommended that I reach out and connect with in our community and boy, am I ever glad that I did!

Kelly is fantastic, and is showing what it's like to be a mom in the city, living in a high rise and enjoying a downtown lifestyle with her ridiculously-super-cute daughter. They have such a positive outlook on life, and I am thrilled to be able to share City Mom with you all today.

City Mom began over a year ago as a means for me to document the ups and downs of raising a child in an urban setting. When my husband and I decided to move from the suburbs to a downtown high-rise condo we saw some raised eyebrows. There was no better way to form a rebuttal than documenting it through a blog.

Who says raising a family means you have to a plot of property with a front and back yard and a white picket fence? We feel we can make a happy home for our daughter in an urban setting with a diverse landscape and many cultural opportunities.

City Mom has since turned into so much more. You’ll find topics such as women’s health, parenting, cooking and baking and product reviews and giveaways. Tune in on the first and last Friday of each month to meet the featured fabulous female. Supporting and sharing the accomplishments of hard-working, passionate Canadian women is the theme of the Fabulous Female Friday feature.

Web: http://citymom.ca

Twitter: @_CityMom

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/City-Mom/149870265045621

Kelly Connor is a freelance writer and lifestyle blogger at citymom.ca. Follow along with Kelly’s adventures as she raises her daughter along with her husband in the heart of downtown London , Ontario . You can find Kelly’s full portfolio at kellyconnor.ca.

Spread the love! Go check out City Mom today!

Thankful Thursday: Rocking Chairs

After not a whole lot of sleep on Tuesday night, as my husband was away for the night and I am a bit of a worry wart when home alone in this big house, nothing could have been more comforting than this

My son and I had a good snuggle in the afternoon, while listening to Rockabye Baby Beatles (something I will be eternally thankful for). My eyes were closed, and I was definitely nodding off when I felt a warm little something nuzzle into my ribs. I looked down and saw the most peaceful angel drifting off to dreamland and snuggling into the warmth of his Mom.

Perfection.