Many people say
that the transition from one child to two is much harder than going
from zero to one, but have you ever thought about how hard it can be
for the sibling? For the new big brother or sister, especially
toddlers, it can be a huge adjustment. For the longest time, they
have been the sole recipient of all of their parents love and
attention and now, they have to share that. The first few weeks
especially can be trying as newborns do need lots of attention.
Here are some ways
to make that transition easier for the newly promoted sibling.
During Labour:
If you are having a
hospital birth, chances are that your little one will be spending
some time with a relative (possibly having their very first
sleepover!) Consider packing a photo album that they can take with
them so they can see you if and when they start to ask for you. If
your labour isn’t intense and you are having longer breaks between
contractions, try and squeeze in a quick phone call or Facetime to
let them know you’re thinking of them.
After the baby is born, have big
brother come visit at the hospital. An excellent way to transition at
this time is to have the baby in the bassinette at first so mom can
get a proper cuddle in before introducing the new baby. This helps
them to see that even though there is a new baby, there will still be
one on one time. Once your child feels comfortable, have someone
bring baby over and let them see. I suggest even letting them hold
the baby (with help of course!) and letting them touch and hug. They
are going to be curious and restricting that first interaction with
lots of no’s or scolding could make them resent baby. Another
popular idea is to have a small gift for them “from the baby.”
If you are having a
home birth, and don’t feel it would be a distraction, it is
completely acceptable to have your older child present at the birth.
They can even be a mini doula, helping get you a drink or towels!
This makes them feel like they are part of bringing baby into the
world and would be an amazing experience for all. I would recommend
having another adult present, such as a relative, that could be there
just to watch over them though, in case they need to be put down for
a nap, or fed lunch for example.
The first few weeks:
Once you’re back home and start to
settle into a routine, big sister may start to act out a little. This
is completely normal and shouldn’t last too long. Be sure to
include them in as much as possible when it comes to baby. Some
children love having jobs, so having them grab the diapers and wipes
at changing time, or if baby is bottle fed, helping to hold the
bottle, that can be great, but don’t try and force it. If they
don’t want to, making them do it can only make them feel like they
are only being used to take care of baby.
The one thing I found to be most
important was setting aside time that was just me and my oldest
child. My youngest baby was breastfed and refused to take a bottle,
so our time was short, but even just popping out to the coffee shop
for a special treat or going grocery shopping with just the older
child, is huge in their eyes. It shows that mommy (and daddy!) will
still be there for them and life doesn’t revolve around the new
tiny human.
There will be times when you
absolutely cannot tend to the needs of both children and that is
totally okay. When this happens, having a basket of toy, books, or
crafts that your child can use independently can work wonders when
you need to tend to the baby. By only pulling this out at certain
times and changing up what’s inside, it keeps your child’s
interest and they will start to look forward to it! There is also
nothing wrong with having movie days or turning on the t.v. when
needed.
.
There is absolutely going to be an
adjustment period when you go from having one child to two (or more)
but hopefully by keeping these tips in mind, it will be a little bit
smoother for everyone.
xoxo
Lisa
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