How to Process your Birth Experience

Processing your birth experience is an important thing to do whether you just gave birth and have a newborn at home, or you gave birth years ago and are starting to think about adding another baby to your family.

In the past, I've talked about processing birth trauma, but this is a little different. This is about processing everything that went on leading up to and immediately after the birth of your baby, be it good, great, bad or traumatic.

Trust someone enough to tell them

This is a big one following the birth of your baby...trust. If things didn't go to plan, or you made a decision that you were unsure of, trusting someone enough to tell them what happened during birth may be difficult. Think about all of the people in your support circle, and choose the one that you trust the most. Female, male, sister, mother, grandmother, friend. It really doesn't matter so long as you trust them.

Let go of guilt

Was your plan for a home birth, and you opted to go to the hospital? Did you opt to cut the cord right away? Did you want extended skin to skin and quiet in the room following the birth? No matter what the decisions you made about your birth were, they were right for you in that moment. You are the only one who lived through your pregnancy, and you are the only one who can decide what is right for you, your body and your baby. Noone is in a position to judge you. Let go of the guilt, and know that you birthed your baby exactly how you needed to.

Talk about the trauma

If something happened that went extremely against your plan, like an emergency cesarean or life saving measures, we encourage you to talk about it. The longer you sweep it under the rug and ignore it, the more intensity it will build. In subsequent pregnancies, that anxiety, fear, guilt, trauma....all of those intense feelings that have been brewing may just explode, which isn't healthy for anyone. Know that those around you are listening, and are there to support you.

Celebrate it

You are the one who gave birth. Not your nurses, not your doctors, not your doula and not your midwives. You. This birth was completely and entirely yours (and your partners!) Celebrate the moment that you became a parent. Toast to a job well done, because let's face it...giving birth is hard!

Birth doesn't always go to plan, and sometimes scary things happen. When we bottle it up and let it take over our thoughts, things can get spun around and what we remember having happened may not have actually happened. If you have a doula present at your birth, debrief with them within a week of the birth to make sure everything you remember is accurate. If you feel jaded or angry about anything that happened, express that to someone and then let it go.

You did a great job bringing your baby into the world. Acknowledge that. Celebrate that. Be proud of that.

xoxo
Shannon

That time they laid a baby on my chest... #birth #purpose #pregnancy

When they lay your baby on your chest for the very first time, it is a rush of emotion like none other. I didn't have this experience with our first birth, so I was very much wanting it to happen with Graeme's delivery.

I will be honest. I was a little freaked out about him still being attached via umbilical cord, and of being stitched at the same time. Of the blood and guts and gore. But honestly? Truly?

It was incredible. This time, I knew not to top off my epidural so much that I didn't feel contractions or the need to push. This time, I knew what I wanted, I trusted my body and went with the rest. I knew my purpose in all of this process and left it to trust.

I was still scared, though, so when they asked me if I wanted him to be cleaned off on my chest, I wasn't sure what to say. I looked at Jena, our doula, in a bit of a panic and am so thankful that she smiled and said Yes, she does. 

The moment that he came out and I saw his beautiful face, which immediately broke into a cry, I started crying. I knew that I was smiling, but there was just such a huge rush of relief that the tears came fast and hard. It was so overwhelming, and I think that added to my panic of not knowing what to say when Ney asked me if I wanted him on me.

As soon as he was on my chest, Ney started getting him cleaned up and I started talking to him. He calmed almost immediately to the sound of my voice, and I kept trying to reassure him that everything was ok, that he was with his Mama and we were just going to snuggle for a second.

This boy, I tell you. Oh this boy has my heart. I thought it was going to be impossible to love another child with quite as much passion as I love my Bear, Owen. A few years ago when we were just starting to talk about having a second, I talked to my bff Tiffany and she said it's like your body grows a second heart; one for your first child, and one for your second.

Until now, I didn't really know what that meant. It's completely true.

I truly think that having this beautiful experience was what I needed to come full circle on our previous birth trauma. This birth happened as it should; I was in control as much as I could be, trusted in our team and the process, and let everything happen as it should. I advocated for myself, my baby and my body, and challenged the answers that I didn't agree with.

It make my heart sing to know what I accomplished, on my own terms, and to recognize that I deserve to feel proud.

In this moment, I felt that I had a space to breathe, that my heart was full, and that my mind was overjoyed at what our family had become.

I am so thankful to have finally had this experience and know it is a memory that will stay in my heart forever.

Our {empowered} Birth Story #purpose #pregnancy #labor

On Tuesday, July 8th, my husband, son and I all met at the doctor's office for what we knew would be our last prenatal appointment. It was schedule the induction day, and I was so excited to have some finality to a very long and emotional journey. This was our rainbow baby, afterall!

After a routine checkup, we found out that I was 5-6cm and fully effaced at 4pm. Yes friends, that would be called active labor, and almost transition! Yikes! We scheduled the induction for July 14th, and bid our medical team a great week, then headed over to the inlaws for a quick visit.

I really truly thought that we would make it to 14th.

I texted our doula, Jena, to let her know of the progress and then chatted with her on the phone. During out conversation, contractions started and were every 5ish minutes;a fluke I thought...I don't do regular contractions.

Color me wrong!

Soon they were 4 minutes...some 2 minutes. My husband dashed home with a list of things that we needed to get like phone chargers and cookies for the nurses, and then {with tears streaming down my face} we kissed our sweet Bear goodnight and told him to have a great sleep over with Nana and Papi.

Off we went to the hospital, letting Jena know that we were on our way and it was go time.

We got to the hospital at around 6pm, and while I was still only 5-6cm, they sent me walking for an hour while they called our doctor to find out if he wanted me to be admitted.

7pm...admitting time! Off to the beautiful birthing suite we went.

We didn't have that experience with our first son, so it was really incredible to see. The room was massive, and the view of the city was gorgeous to stare out at. I felt really peaceful and happy, and when my doctor showed up at around 8pm after his dinner to check me, we found out that I was 8cm.

8:39pm they broke my water, which was...well...it's gross. There's no way around it, but it's gross! I labored on my own until about 10pm, at which point I was 9cm and I started quietly panicking about feeling delivery. With our first, I was numb from the top of my ribs down and didn't even feel contractions. Also, given all of the pelvic floor issues and cracking lately, I didn't want to be in excruciating pain for delivery, so I asked for an epidural.

After that, we all relaxed for a while. Jena and I watched a few episodes of Sex and the City (Season 6), and my husband slept after a gruelling crossfit workout and working all day. 

By 11:30 pm, I was feeling a lot of pressure so asked to be checked for progress. 9.5cm at 11:45. Our lovely nurse, Ney, said she would check me again at 1am and see where we were and to just get some rest. So...we all did!

1am came and we found out that I was 10cm, but there was still a piece of cervix in the way so just to relax and we'd do another check in a little while. I think it was about 30 minutes later that I told Jena that I was feeling alot of pressure and to get a nurse. She did, but they were all in the midst of a fast delivery, so we were told to hang on for a few minutes and our nurse would be right back. Another contraction, more pressure. Jena asked if I felt like I was holding myself back from pushing, and I without a doubt said yes.

She ran to grab our nurse, who took her more seriously this time and we found out that it was indeed go-time! Practice push and, just like with out first, I was told to stoooop because we needed the doctor. Our doctor and his resident must have been in the hospital still, as they were in our room really quickly and agreed that it was time to get the show on the road!

I cried as soon as he was born, before he was even up on my chest. I was so proud of myself, and happy that the process was beautiful and lovely!

By 2:16am, I had this sweet face on my chest {an experience I will write about later}, quickly calming to the sound of my voice. All was said and done in just over 6hours.

Graeme Russell Alexander - 8lbs15oz, 20.9"

A hugely massive, heartfelt thank you to our nurses Ney and Leslie, Dr's Jordan and Briscoe, doula Jena and of course my husband Colin. This birth experience is by far night and day different to our first, and was incredible. I felt empowered every step of the way, was certain of my decisions, and knew exactly how I wanted this process to go.

First snuggles with Daddy

Our incredible doula, Jena, from Rebirth Wellness Centre

 Stay tuned for the after-birth experience, meeting the big brother and settling in at home portions of this story.