Whether
your partner was able to take two weeks or wasn’t able to take any time at all,
having your partner return to work can be scary. You’ve adapted to life at home
as a new family and now need to adjust to spending a good portion of the day/night
alone, completely and entirely responsible for your new baby.
My son
was born on a Sunday, we were discharged from the hospital two days later on
the Tuesday, and my partner returned to work at 7pm on Wednesday. He worked 12
weeks of continental nights - that is, he worked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
and every other Saturday 7pm-7am. His shifts were then switched to 5 days a
week, 8-hour rotations of midnights (11pm-7am), afternoons (3pm-11pm), and days
(7am-3pm).
No matter
how many visitors you have and how long your partner was able to stay home for,
it’s very easy to feel alone the moment he/she leaves for work.
But I promise,
you are not alone! I was that new mom who fought back the tears but cried as
soon as he turned his back. One year later and there are still days where all I
want is for him to call in sick.
It sucks
having your partner leave, even when it’s just for work. It sucks even more
when they are gone for work all night and sleep all day. But there are things
that you can do together in order to get through the week and ensure that you
feel confident and supported during the times you are alone.
Remember, what works for one couple might not work for your family.
Creating a system
is essential.
It will take a bit of experimenting and compromising but it’s worth it.
Establishing a routine will make it easy for your partner to know exactly
his/her role depending on what shift they are working and take away the feeling
of frustration when you were getting overwhelmed.
For
example, when your partner works midnights, is it better if they go to bed as
soon as they get home at 7am and sleep until 4pm? Or is it best if they stay
awake until noon and sleep until just before they go into work? For us, my
partner goes to bed between 8am and 9am (he has troubles winding down) and
sleeps until 4pm or 5pm. He then wakes up, showers, cooks dinner, and puts our
son to bed by 8pm.
Open
communication is key.
It’s hard to keep an open line of communication when you are exhausted and your
partner is working shifts, especially when his/her family is at home sleeping.
But in order for your partner to know how you are feeling and how they can best
help you, you need to communicate with them. It’s important for both parties to
take the position of the other in order to understand each perspective.
Here are some tips for keeping communication open.
1. Message board. Have a board where you and your
partner can add notes of appreciation or concern. This could be extremely
helpful when you have a busy week and don’t have time to have a full
conversation regarding the issues.
2. Texts. Texting is so convenient, especially when you
need help or need to discuss something with your partner right away.
3. Weekly check-ins. Once a week, you and your partner
could touch base. Discuss what is working and what is not.
It is
important to keep the following in mind when creating your family routine:
Be open. The last thing you want is for
your partner to feel that you are not listening or judging what they have to
say. This includes obviously being antsy to “cut in” and respond. Keep an open
mind and remember that they will do the same for you.
Time of day. It’s probably not best to discuss any
concerns or problems after a long day. Find a time when you are both able to
relax, open up, and are mentally “there”.
Appreciate. Be sure to show your partner respect when they voice a concern; let them know how they help already and that you appreciate this help.
xoxo
Ashley
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