In a month where we honour all of the father's and father figures in our lives, and the lives of our wee ones, I wanted to take a moment to write a piece about Dad's. In the realm of birth, Dads and partners often get overlooked. They get given up on; treated like they don't have the foggiest idea of what's going on.
I will fully admit that there are times in my mama journey where I get frustrated with my husband for not being intuitive enough or following my lead when it comes to parenting. I will fully admit that there are times where I give up on him as a parent and think I know better.
And I will fully admit that I am wrong for it. (hey Husband, did you read that? Love you!)
My message this month is to not give up on Dad. They are fully capable of changing diapers, soothing babies, feeding them and they know full well what they are doing. We need to trust them, and we need to now give up on them. We need to feel confident about taking time away so that Dad can bond with baby, and not guilty for taking that time away. While our instincts might be strong, so are theirs...it's just different.
When it comes to birth, absolutely Dad's get pushed aside. It's such a great moment to connect with them as the doula in the room and say "hey, why don't you come here and hold her hand?" or "rub her back with a bit of pressure right here", then stand back and watch while Mom and Dad (or partner!) have a few quiet moments just the two of them.
It's amazing to be the person in the room providing emotional support to both parents, as it can be hard to watch the woman you love in such intense pain and emotion. Being the one to hold the space and be the calm in the storm is incredible, and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.
So, don't forget Dad. He's a huge part of this process, and he needs to feel confident and incredible during birth, as a father and a partner and human. He needs to feel capable as a parent during the postpartum transition and he needs to trust himself just as much as Mom needs to trust herself.
Don't give up