October 2, 2013

Don't Forget Dad


In the blink of an eye, it's gone. Hopes...dreams...it all flashes before your eyes and is *poof* gone.

For me, it was dealing with the physical pain and emotional turmoil, but for my husband, it was watching me go through it all while saying goodbye to a baby that he was quickly growing attached to.

I talked to my husband alot about how he's feeling about everything and right after it happened he said that he was much more attached to this baby than he ever felt when I was pregnant with our son, Owen. He said that he has a totally different frame of reference for what could be now that we have a 3 year old.

He wasn't missing the baby, per say, but the toddler. He was missing what could have been, not where we were in that very moment.

We were pretty convinced {or maybe it was just hopeful thinking}that babe was a girl, and had narrowed down names. In fact, we would be finding out this month if our hunch was correct.

When it all ended in August, my husband said that he could just see her...brown curly hair like me, and big brown eyes. Running around, being crazy like her brother.

That is who he misses. And it breaks my heart.

All too often, the How Are You Doing? question is asked of the Mom only, and what is forgotten is that there is a Dad whose dream has been equally shattered. He became a dad in the moment that she told him that she was pregnant. He became a dad, whether he felt that baby kick or not.

His pain is just as real. Don't forget about him.
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2 comments:

Censie said...

This makes me tear up. MC is horrible on everyone. Hoping that this little spit fire that didnt get to come home with you stays deep in both of your hearts forever. ;) xoxox

Heather said...

I can only imagine the pain that comes with a miscarriage and how hard it is on the phone family not just the mom.

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